Memories & Morpheus

There is this one thing that I like about Lotus Notes. It doesn't expect you to be grammatically correct, although it does a spell check but it is a relief from MS WORD where you have to really fight for it when it comes to the grammar part. The sad thing though is that Lotus Notes lacks auto spell correct options which could really save some time.
To be really truthful don't know where the saved time is going to be invested in. since I am sitting alone at night again and trying to focus on the thoughts which are holding me back from sleep.
I remember my last post and it was also at night, the irony about these posts though is that they really represent only a minuscule part of the actual chunk of the thought one originally had in their mind. By the time the computer actually boots up and the application you use decides to open up half of the thoughts have already vanished into the thin air or the blinking cursor.

Well isn't it just the mind playing tricks on you? to try and establish your original thought is a sisyphean task on its own. That just goes on to prove how fickle memory can actually be... sometimes the things that hurt become things we think and laugh about, and then some moments where we actually were happy but now when they come to mind they bring nothing but tears. And then there are memories which gave pain then and still give pain today, the only difference is the nature of it.

Well too much on memories, but what I really wanted to speak of is the ironic nature of it all. I believe one of the most important traits or abilities if you can call it that for us homo sapiens is the ability to forget. However much one prides themselves in their ability to remember the smallest details, it is the ability to forget that creates the strength to go another yard. It is the ability to forget that makes us survive amidst this chaos that life is. How we forget, the girl who made us go weak in the knees or how we forget what one had for dinner last Tuesday 365 days ago, because we might never have something as tasty again or we might never get another glance from that girl,but it is our ability to forget that makes us eat another dish or dream for another glance. For the "new" is where the future is ...where the key to our lives may be. It is surprising how god created this natural thing within us..that makes us live and hope.

Let this post of mine be a homage to forgetting .. a step towards forgiveness and life as a whole....
funnily I have forgotten that I wasn't able to sleep a few minutes back ... morpheus beckons me for another night with beautiful dreams...dreams I am going to forget but they will make me smile nevertheless

The Lights at night (another old one..)

There is a strange magnetism to the lights at night. especially in this city (Mumbai). The lights glimmer away at a distance and from heights that you wouldn't see in any other city in India.
The lights compel you to sit, and take a look at the life that is whizzing by so quickly. Every day something changes in our life, yet we never are quite able to figure out exactly when, that change took place. When is it that I started looking older? when did I gain so much weight? or the more profound ones... When was it that I lost my innocence? When and where was it that I lost faith?
There is this Sunday , and then there was another Sunday far far away, once upon a time.
They were lazy Sunday afternoons when I lay glued to my mothers bosom, pretending to be asleep (to be awake meant to be ordered to study, so an obvious choice) . I used to press my eye lids together, hard; and then listen to the sounds and smells of the world encompassing me. I remember how with each sound
or smell a new story in my utopian imagination started taking shape. The funny ones made me laugh. But this wasn't the best part... The best part was when I laughed too hard I got a slap on my back from my mum, and it used to dawn upon me that she was aware that I wasn't asleep. The fear of the possibility of facing algebra would grip me and I would shut my lids tighter, resolving not to be seduced by deceitful dreams, only to be caught "not napping" again in a short while.

Where are those slaps now ? What wouldn't I do to feel that again.The lights help me relive those moments for sometime.They transport me to a life which is closest to me. A life where everything was beautiful.

It is often that I hear people talking of how they have become smarter. How they have figured out not to trust, love, forgive or be selfless. How they have computed their lives in linear equations. How gross margins, ROIs and productivity maps decide what should be the road ahead.

There is one question that I wish to ask them, when is it that they were happier? living a life where cognizance has "illuminated" their lives or a life where a helium balloon could bring exuberance that would beat the feeling of one upping the market by 20%?

An old write up I found while rummaging through ..

Youth! So full of life, ideals, and dreams that are not Lilliputian by any standards. It feels so great to be alive, independent and free! So much so that the thought this might be ephemeral doesn’t even come close to crossing the mind.

Perhaps it would not be a hyperbole to suggest that youth is the best period of our lives. Childhood is still a sweet memory and teens just, yesterday. We no longer depend on others to support us like childhood and the confounding trivialities that captured us in our teens are things of past, so much so that we end up thinking and wondering if we really are the same flesh and bone we were then.

Power to do anything, fear, of nothing, integrity to be righteous and honesty to be true… and I daresay a small pinch of innocence that lay cached since our childhood… our own secret place, safe somewhere in our hearts. And yet …

“In the ocean even a shark can sink”

When the tide of reality hits us, and keeps coming back stronger our hearts are left wanting.

The juggernaut of cynicism devours the very essence that made us carefree. While telling us every time there is no escape. It reminds us that we no longer can cry if something didn’t turn out the way we thought it would. That our parents won’t hold us and tuck us into bed every night, telling lovely stories that somewhere deep down our hearts still yearn for.

That we no longer will wake up next morning thinking how we want to celebrate our birthday, even if it falls seven months ahead. The thrill of that little piece of ice cream that we got after hours of haggling with our mothers. Why oh why, this whole brick of the best ice cream in the market doesn’t even come close to that.

Above all the fantastic things we wanted to do as children, things which were stupid to say the least in the grown up world. And yet what pleasure we had !

Among all the things I mentioned, the thing that hurts the most is: our mistakes when we were children were so small that they didn’t matter, they could be undone with a tight slap or even the invocation of its possibility. And then we stand today as grown up men and women while we look back at our lives… it is just so hard to undo every small speck that we ended up doing.

With each heartbeat a piece of guilt attaches itself to the long incessant list of nightmares and agonies that will go on with us always, forever, till we breathe our last. I suspect that’s why god (what or whoever that might be) put a phase of senility at the end … so that it doesn’t hurt when we go!

In the end I might add an oft repeated line from the movie “Magnolia”

“We may be through with the past, but the past ain’t through with us”

Goddess of troll things

People spend their entire lives trying to figure out what is right, and then there are some people who know it all; since the time they were born. Arundhati Roy, is one of those people. Like Abhimanyu the real truth came to her in her mother's womb. Since then she has been haplessly trying to tell us all that every known principle, every thing that any one does or says (except Geelani, Afzal Guru, Medha Patekar) is hokum. The truth was whispered to her when she was teaching aerobics in the confines of a cushy five star. The truth came to her when she was writing a book about the relationship between a brother and a sister who "love" each other so much that they end up having sex. The truth was spoken when she said that Kashmir was never an integral part of India.

I pity those morons who cannot understand the truth, the infinite wisdom that pores down every single pore of her being. How can so many people question her just baffles me. Don't these idiots know that she has seen naxals all her life(in Meghalaya, Delhi and Kerala), that the solution of Kashmir came to her way before led zepplin thought of the song. Oh fools! The very lot of them.

If you ask me(someone who was born in the state where the naxal movement began), of course Naxals have been wronged! how dare someone stop them from collecting their own taxes, Why can't they kill someone, they are just protesting! .Since they have an ideology they can do whatever they want. So can she. Don't people realize that Australia gave her an award for "non violence" for god's sake?

India is a country of imbeciles, and hence we have never done a single thing that is right, ever. So my earnest appeal to all fellow countrymen is this - Forget everything! if you want a constructive locus, stop questioning Arundhati Roy and start following her industrious suggestions to build a gleaming future. Special features of the future

- The naxals are recognized as the ipso facto lawmakers

- Kashmir is free and rendered to Osama/Obama

- Rise of Neo quasi Intellectualism

- Arundhati Roy is the "Mother of the nation", and an oedipal nation which is trying to win her approval

A day that can only be realized if we join hands and put in motion the wheels to Arundhati's brighter, better India. In this post I implore one and all to come forward and embrace Arundhatism and "to the heaven of freedom... let this country awake"